It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
