I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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