her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
