woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
