Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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