That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
