is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
