Ambien. No doubt about it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
