just tell him i said nine months
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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