dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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