the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
