Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
