I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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