I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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