i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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