This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
