Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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