Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do vagina's smell?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
