i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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