the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
