____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
