i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That accounts for only three of the penises
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
