So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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