If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dear god my vagina.
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