so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She bit a glass in half.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
