Plan B is the new Plan A
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
