So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
