so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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