Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
