Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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