sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
