they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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