Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
