i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
