we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
