it's not cheating when I paid for it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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