New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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