happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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