How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
