I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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