She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
