remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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