you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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