I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
