You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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