I just cut my nipple shaving
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
