Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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