One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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