Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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