The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
