well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
