cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize