Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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