I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
