So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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