the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
