One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
