Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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