then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i came on her dog
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
