Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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