Please don't use social media to get back at me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
