so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
