Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
