PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
