I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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